Hey kids! We left the best till last!
Caller: It’s newlywed Beyonce! She looks stunning! So different! So alluring! So..
Caller: Oh, well…she just got married!
Me: You said that. I don’t think she looks any different from all the same old lilac dresses her mother makes her wear.
Caller: I guess not. She’s kind of dull isn’t she?
Caller: Ex Tennis champion Miss Venus Williams, towering the event attendees with her body.
Venus Williams to self: I feel so pretty. I feel like a princess. I hope my wig doesn’t fall out? I think these are me and ma sisters hair weave product..hmmm….
Caller: Oh, there’s Buffy.
Rachel Bilson to self with nasal whiney American dialect: Ahh, this is soo awsome! I like want to stand out but I don’t because I want to be taken seriously but then I really want to make people notice me. Oh, god, there’s Scarlette Johansson, she always takes all my roles! Will I ever make it? Oh, my god i feel so excited! This is so cool!
Caller: Hey Mary! LOVE you! The gays love you! You Diva! You rock girlfriend!
Mary J Blige looking slightly awkward but overwhelmed: Thank you sir. I’m just happy you know? I just thank god that I’m right here and right now. I like you know, just put a dress on and I’m like here, y’know? I’m just glad to be here with my man who helped me become who I am today.
Caller to Me: Oh my god, don’t you just LOVE her? Such a sister riii-ight? I mean, she’s so deep!
And FINALLY…..the one the most excited to be here….
Janet to self: Oh, god where’s my xanax? I don’t care for this. If I just stay silent hopefully they’ll let me be. I’m hungry. Why am I here again? I thought my album came out? I feel like I’ve been working for all my life. Where’s my xanax? I’m bored. Oh god.