POSH SPICE CRAP SPICE 4 MARC JACOBS: YAWN

Bleurgh.

HOT GUY OF THE WEEK: CASEY or BEN AFFLECK?????

Ben OR Casey Affleck?

FAKE or REAL NEWS: Lindsay Lohan to get MARRIED!

The Ronson’s and the Lohan’s are hanging out, maaaaan. Allegedly Lindsay is getting married to Ronson, according to our beloved the Daily Star.

LOATHSOME PERSON OF THE WEEK: SIENNA ‘I’M SO HAPPY’ MILLER

Oh my GOD. This Elle issue is SOOOOOOOO annoying!? Urgh! She is such a DICK!

“Keira has this amazing wooden table that everyone just carves anything they like into, from their names to pictures,’ she says. ‘It’s totally vandalised and completely amazing. She’s also a great cook. I did annoy her last time, though, by going home fairly early. Out came all the guitars and I stood up to leave. She was like, “But Sienna, you’re the party girl. You can’t leave.””

PISSTAKER OF THE YEAR: KIRSTEN ‘DEPRESSED NOT DRUGGIE’ DUNST

So Dunst has just given all us depressives a kick in the fucking face. Nice. Oh, and she denied screwing Ryan Gosling, which of course means that she is…right?

NEWS FLASH TV: BRITAIN HASN’T GOT TALENT

Why, why, WHY??????????????????